Published in the Shepherdstown Observer, March, 2019

That MAGA thing

Walking towards my departure gate at Reagan airport last October, I

passed a kiosk selling merchandise items sporting the MAGA slogan.

The shop was closed for the evening, so I took advantage of the empty

airport terminal to peruse the wares, wondering who still buys wearables

blaring a political slogan nearly two years after its campaign ended.

It’s that word again in the MAGA phrase that stimulates my gag reflex.

It’s been used as a slogan before, but this time it’s an existential matter of

definition; just exactly what is the meaning of again? It implies that a

something once existed, now ceases to exist, and needs to be resurrected.

The proliferation of MAGA garb makes me wish that those who wear it be

required to take a history class. They need to learn about us; who we were

in the past, are now, and could be in the future. They should start with

comparing the demographics of American society and track the past 50,

100, or 150 years, graphing statistics in categories like life expectancy,

wage increases, pollution levels, banking safety, fire departments, indoor

plumbing, and disposable income ratio. Then they could determine

precisely what era they would choose to compare the present with the


Obviously, what was the Golden Age in America depends on your race,

gender and religion. The Plantation economy was on a roll before the Civil

War, but only because slavery was legal. The 1890’s were good for the

Robber Barons but there was no minimum wage, child labor laws or 40-

hour work weeks. Oklahoma pioneers farmed cheap government land,

and then, with no environmental protections, watched the Dust Bowl blow

their profits across a million acres.

Labor Unions hit their peak during the 1940’s but then politicians tamed

them, stagnating livable wages for the working class and giving CEO’s

more profits. Christian theology dominated the spirit of the law until the

early 1960’s when the protection of “the right to privacy” was deemed a

Constitutional right, kicking off the Golden Age for women, making it legal

to have contraceptives and credit cards. For Black Americans, there was

one Golden Day; the day Obama was elected President---but then they

had to witness the strongest backlash to racial equality since the Jim Crow

era. Meanwhile, Caucasians feel their Golden Age is waning; 55% of

white Americans now believe that they are being discriminated

against, but give no examples of legislation denying them any of the

rights they’ve denied to others.

Ask anyone on the street what MAG-Again refers to and you’ll likely

get the party line that our decline in manufacturing, steel in particular,

has cost us our position of strength in the world. You’ll hear the

concern that perhaps we’re not still “number one” in military might.

What you won’t get is any facts with those answers. Fortunately,

economic and military strength are both easily measurable, as is

manufacturing. We still export at a healthy rate, and we still have at

least the second largest army on the globe. True, we don’t

manufacture and export the same muscular products that made us

wealthy. But we still have a monopoly on many lucrative

commodities that are sold to almost every country in the world.

For example, the United States manufactures and exports 89% of the

world's pornography. Unfortunately, a big slice of profit is lost to

overseas markets through hackers, pirates and home-made smut.

Earnings are hard to quantify because, as quoted by the Associate

Dean of the Columbia Graduate School of Journalism, “pornography

is an industry where they exaggerate the size of everything.” And

with 428,000,000 porn website hosting pages, the US leads the world

by a long-shot.

In addition to being the top exporters of obscenity, we are also the top

exporters of obesity, in the form of global consumption of sugar,

particularly in soft drinks. We ship soda to every country in the world

except North Korea and Cuba. The American company that

produces and bottles Coke and Pepsi, according to their website, is

the “world's most valuable brand associated with happiness.” The

sugars they pump into their products are known causes of obesity, a

world-wide health epidemic that contributes to diabetes and heart

disease as well as orthopedic disabilities, as people struggle to carry

all that extra weight on their backs and knees.

We still keep our top dog position in the manufacture and sale of

arms, especially to Saudi Arabia, our biggest customer. We sold

weapons to at least 98 countries between 2013-2017, even countries

where rebel forces such as ISIS and the Taliban use those weapons

to fight against us when they get the opportunity.  According to a 2016 Department of Defense audit, half of the 1.5 millionweapons we supplied to Iraqi and Afghan military forces since 2002 ended up “missing” due to inadequate security, poor record-keeping and lack of regulations.

And let’s talk about our military, which I served in for over seven years. Are

we still the strongest and the smartest? China's military is almost twice as

large, but we’re still considered “the best” in terms of training. That may not

last for long; of todays’ population aged 17-24, 71% are not qualified for

enlistment due to criminal convictions, drug use, obesity, medical problems,

mental health diagnoses, low aptitude test scores, or lack of physical


Of the 29% who are qualified, only a few, less than 1%, have expressed

any interest in joining, according to the US Army Recruiting Command.

With such an overwhelmingly small pool of potential candidates, it’s

especially ironic that anyone would think it vital to bar a few transgender

people from taking the oath to guard our country. Ironically, those

disqualifying factors are highest in rural areas of the south, where MAGAwear

is still very much in style.

A 2010 article in the Military Times states, “Overall, one in six military

service members takes at least one type of psychiatric drug. The numbers

are probably higher than estimated, since troops are also known to share

and trade prescription drugs with each other, even while in combat zones.”

Those outdated percentages are higher than the general population; as of

2014, nearly 13% of American teens take anti-depressant prescription

drugs, not to mention additional medications for ADHD and anxiety

disorders. As a country, we use more anti-depressants than anyone in the


Not surprisingly, pharmaceuticals are also one of our largest exports.

So we’re still great, if not the greatest; we’re just making and selling different

pr oducts. Plus, we use them ourselves; we’re drinking our own Kool-Aid.

That’s our other most marketable product---delusion. Voters are made to

think that we need to be great again, then convince the rest of the world to

be like us, and then to build a wall to keep them out.

But reality is a much harder hat to wear. It’s not more steel we need to

forge; it’s more people with backbones of steel, with the work ethic to go the

distance. Instead, we provide our children lives of leisure before they’ve

even earned one, playing video games on consoles made in China to

escape the real life they haven’t even experienced yet. And it’s obvious that

our education system isn’t working if people lack the logic to see through the

con of a billionaire real estate developer.

But back to the airport kiosk display cabinet…. stacked neatly right next to

the MAGA shirt for $9.99 was a similar product; a shirt with the Obama

campaign image, selling for $12.99.

Citing the free-market law of supply and demand, I’d say that proves that

there are a lot of us who are still willing to pay an extra premium for

“Hope and Change.”